Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
