OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
