Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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