Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
