I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
tell me about the eggs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
