I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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