Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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