I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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