jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
