Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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