how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
