I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
