The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A bitchslap is in order.
My life is pants optional.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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