I got chris browned last night
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
