if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
