he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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