ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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