i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
