I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Randomize
