i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
