Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
