last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
