MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were destined to go to rehab together
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
