and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
