She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
