Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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