Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
