she peed on how many people?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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