so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
