So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
