we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
