yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
