So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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