is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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