i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize