i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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