I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize