at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
