He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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