You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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