No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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