Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
