If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My bed is full of blood and feathers
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize