Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
