It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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