Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
