your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
