And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
