3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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