I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
