some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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