There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
