It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We left the knife in your bed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
