I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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