You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
