I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
