you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize