I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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