i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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