Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
