i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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