There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
