There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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