Your face is a jimmy john
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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