How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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